Marauders in trouble
by Kitkan
Summary: Well basically, James, Sirus and Remus have wound up into counselling sessions after being seen teasing Snape. But not all goes to plan for the counseller... :
1. INTRODUCTION TO DESTRUCTION

Well basically, James, Sirus and Remus have wound up into counselling sessions after being seen teasing Snape. But not all goes to plan for the counsellor... :]o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"Mr Potter and Mr Black you may come in" called a woman's voice from inside the counselling room.

"Wopeee" yelled Sirius bounding in.

"Mr Black, please behave yourself" said the counsellor firmly to him.

"Soz dude" he replied back, "look James, swivly chairs".

"Oooh I like swively chairs" grinned James jumping on one and spinning around.

"Mr Potter and Mr Black, will you kindly restrain from swinging from these chairs, they could be dangerous" said the counselling woman, rather annoyed with them.

"I didn't know they could be so dangerous" said Sirius prodding the chair with his wand.

"It'll probably sprout a mouth and start breathing fire" replied James.

"That is enough!" yelled the counsellor, "now can you tell me why you are here today?"

"We trying to give Snivellus a shower and all.." said James.

"WAIT! I thought we were getting ice cream" moaned Sirius.

"WAIT! I thought we were getting ice cream," moaned Sirius, "aww man! Besides he didn't get that wet".

"Yes, well there is no need to go into detail. Mr Snape is currently in the hospital wing, recovering from his experience, and I'll have to find some form of punishment and the root of the odd behaviour between you both-"

"What's your name?" asked Sirius.

"I-that's not important" she replied uncomfortably.

"I don't feel comfortable not knowing who I was talking to" cried Sirius, who had his head in his hands.

"Very well, my name is Patricia" she replied.

"Can I call you Pat?" asked Sirius.

"No, counsellor is fine"

"Patty?"

"NO! Now Mr Potter shall we start with you?"

"Do we have too, I'd rather make Sirius go first"

"I'll rock, paper, scissors you on that!"

"Okay best of three"

"MR POTTER AND MR BLACK PLEASE SIT DOWN!" bellowed the counsellor.

"Woah Patty, hold on to your hat!" grinned Sirius.

"Now Mr Potter!" she said ignoring Sirius "Do you have any- Mr Black please can you stop sniffing"

"Sorry Pat, I'm just bored"

"You sniff- oh never mind. Now Mr Potter, tell me about your home, do you have any issues, what are your parents like?"

"You're very nose Patty" replied James.

"It's because she has a big nose" grinned Sirius.

"Please continue Mr Potter" said counsellor.

"Well, my dads not around much, because he's an auror and all, but we - OOH PADFOOT WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LET ONE OFF! IT STINKS" yelled James.

"I thought you wouldn't notice and all"

"Well I didn't notice, until it smelt like someone had let of a dung bomb inside here!"

"Sorry mate, it's those Bertie Bott Bean's I ate earlier, you know what they do to me!" grinned Sirius sheepishly.

"Why eat them?" asked James.

"Wormy dared me, he said he'll give me 15 sickles… come to think of it I don't have those sickles" replied Sirius.

"Do you think we can continue?" asked an irritated Pat in a exasperated tone.

"Well can we open a window? Thanks Patsy"

"Right so Mr Potter-"

"Call me James!"

"Erm James, what is your father like then?"

"Well he's rarely around, but he's great fun when he is"

"And your mum?" asked Pat.

"Oooh I wouldn't take that James"

"Chill out Padfoot, I'm sure Patty means my mother no disrespect. Mum's cool, but she hates it when Sirius leaves pawprints on the hallway".

"Pawprints in the hallway? Why does he have paw-prints-? Wait do you two live together?"

"There's no need to get upset about it, and did I saw paw-prints? I meant footprints, Sirius's family aren't cool so he came and stayed with us about a year ago"

"James, I'm sure it wasn't because his family aren't-"

"They are!" exclaimed Sirius "My family are all emo and my mum has this weird obsessions for house-elves heads. She likes sticking them on the wall you see. And there was this one time when Bellatrix put cold spaghetti in my bed-"

"Yes I think that's enough Mr Black, it seems you have enough on your mind" replied Pat.

"Yeah when pigs fly"

"Actually Sirius, we did test that theory with Moony when we sent Henry flying across to the girls dormitory after building that catapult"

"You mean when Moony built it"

"Whatever"

"Well it was a very merry Christmas after all"

"Henry?" asked Pat.

"Wormy's guinea pig" answered James.

"Peter has a pig?"

"He *had* a pig, poor Henry, we never saw him again" Sirius wept sarcastically.

"Urm okay" replied Pat "Right I've heard all about your families, so why don't you tell me about your little group of friends, McGonagall told me you are in a troublemaking group named the Marauders?"

"Who's McGonagall?"

"I think she's referring the transfiguration chick Minnie Padfoot"

"Ooooh right Minnie, Minnie's awesome like that but why do she refer to us as trouble making Prongs?"

"Trouble-making? Trouble finds us" cried James dramatically.

"IT'S TRUE! Trouble stops looking for us eh Prongsie? It's a hard life" wept Sirius.

"Mr Black please can you stop pretending to cry on Mr Potter's shoulder"

"Sure thing Patty"


	2. INTRODUCTION TO DESTRUCTION PART 2

"Well tell me about the Mahoarders"

"Marauders!"

"Right… so tell me then!"

"If we tell you,.. then we would have to kill you I'm afraid!" James whispered dramatically.

"I remember when you told that to Peter in our second year" laughed Sirius "He wet his pants that night!"

"It didn't help that it might have been that song we sang him" grinned James.

"Oh yeah - I love sing, I love to dance, but I'm not allowed to do a poopy in my pants!"

"MR BLACK!"

"Soz Patty" apologised Sirius "Its just Peter really".

"Peter? Who's Peter? Is he a Marauder?"

"Yeah he is but he's a really nicompoop and all" answered James "Don't even know how we invited him to join" he rolled his eyes.

"I think it's because I dared him to let off a dungbomb in transfiguration!"

"Is that what the Marauders are? Daredevils and rule breakers?"

"Woman you would not know the start of it!"

"Woman? I swear she was man!"

"Ohh Pat I wouldn't take that from Prongs!" Sirius laughed.

"Prong? What's a prong?"

"Aaah well it's the ancient tradition of choosing a nickname for all your mates. I'm Padfoot, he's Prongs, Remus is Moony and Peter is Wormtail"

"Pete didn't get to choose his name"

"He wanted something unique but we couldn't think of anything else that would suit a rat" said Sirius.

"What does a rat have to do with it?"

"Nothing, nothing, nothing…" said James very innocently.

There were three loud knocks on the door.

"Finally someone exciting!" Sirius grinned, bounding over his chair eagerly.

"Mr Black, please sit down!" commanded Counsellor.

"No need to be jealous now, we can rock, paper, scissors again if you want to see who opens the door!" replied Sirius.

"NO!" bellowed Counsellor, "no more silly games!"

"Oh Patty, why do you have to be so boring!"

"It's Counsellor!"

"If you say so Patsy!" grinned Sirius. He climbed back onto his seat and but his feet up on the desk.

"Come in!" called Counsellor.

"I thought you wanted to open the door Patty!" moaned James.

"She's so fat she can't even get off her chair!" Sirius said.

"Patsy is a fatsy!" sang James.

"Enough!" fumed Counsellor, but before she could say any more, the door opened.

"Excuse me, but Professor McGonagall told me to come here, are you Patricia Round?"

"Yes, yes come in! You must be Mr Remus Lupin"

"Yes" said Remus politely, closing the door behind him.

"Heehee, Patricia Round!" chuckled James.

"Her bottom is very round!" Sirius commented. Counsellor stared rather haughtily at him.

"Hey Moony! Finally mush! What did Binns want?"

"Oh, Binns fell asleep, so I walked out and bumped into McGonagall..."

"Aww poor McGonagall!" sighed Sirius.

"What about me?" asked Remus.

"Well now your stuck here with two mad men and a ninny" James grinned.

"Right, well why don't you tell us about yourself?" asked Counsellor, breaking up their conversation.

"He's a nerd"

"What?"

"Yeah, all he does is read, read and read. His head so far down into his book he's practically snogging it!" grinned James.

"And his uniform is all spick and span!"

"Never out of place!"

"Goody good two shoes!"

"Tie is always done up!"

"Hey remember that time when we burnt a hole in his tie!"

"Ouch! Moony that was my foot! -I mean, yeah, I was kidding…"

"Right... anyway, tell me about yourself Mr. Lupin"

"Um.. well I live at home with my Dad and I love reading I guess..."

"You don't have a mother?" the Counsellor asked.

"Well, no, she died when I was little" said Remus quietly.

"Oh, I'm sorry dear"

"Way to go Patty!" shouted Sirius.

"Yeah Patty!" James moaned.

"What have you done Patty!"

"It's all Patty's fault!"

"Shh!"

Counsellor shifted awkwardly in her seat.

"Well I'm afraid that's all we have time for today, I'll see you three next week."

"How come Wormy doesn't have to go to these things?" asked James.

"He wasn't there when you gave Snape a shower" replied Remus.

"Hahaha, water..." James giggled.

"Please just leave!" Pat shouted.

"Bye Fatsy!" called James.

"See you next week" said Remus.

"Hey Patty are you free tomorrow night – "

"GET OUT!"


	3. DANCING IN THE MOONLIGHT

The door burst open with a loud THUD and two teenage boys lolloped into the room. A third boy followed timidly behind.

"S'up Patty? This week has gone faster than a speeding snitch!" called Sirius.

"Hey Patty! Miss me? Of course ya did!" grinned James.

"Sorry about them" Remus apologized.

"What you apologizing about again Moony? Honestly, call yourself a Marauder indeed!" tutted James, rolling his eyes at Remus.

"Ouch, sorry Prongs"

"Please don't hit Mr Potter" cried Counsellor.

"That was an apology!" mumbled James.

"Gerrof – I mean… never mind!" grumbled Remus.

"So Patty, what's in store for today's lesson?" asked Sirius.

"Counsellor! Call me counsellor! Nothing special, I just want to know more about the Marauders" she replied, annoyed.

"Patty you have a memory like a goldfish, we told you, not saying a word…" sighed James.

"Oh Patty, Patty!" exhaled Sirius.

"Surely something, anything, any stories?" she pleaded.

"Pat we'd be here all night" said Sirius.

"Yeah, these two can talk a hind leg of a donkey" said Remus, rolling his eyes at them.

"Don't you roll your eyes at us young man!" scolded Sirius.

"Sorry!" apologised Remus.

"What have I told you about apologising?" reprimanded James.

"Emmm.."

"Boys! Tell me about the Marauders!" she pleaded again.

"I cannot and will not tell you anything Miss Rousse. No offence but think of what could happen to me! I live in a dormitory with three Marauders. I'd never get over the mental pain they would cause me if I spilt any of their secrets. Sorry but a w-" explained Remus.

"Was that another apology?" snapped James.

"I said…Cori…nation…street!"

"SAY WHAT?" Sirius and James called out simultaneously.

"Erm, it's something Muggles watch on these thing called televisions" stammered Remus.

"Err… since when did you get a Muggle television and start watching it?" asked James.

"I didn't, I saw it as I passed a Muggle shop in the holidays. It was quiet interesting…

"Okay" said Sirius, sounding unconvinced.

"Right, anyway. Mr Lupin, do you ever feel pressured by these boys?" asked the Counsellor.

"Yeah, do you feel *pressured* Moony?" James grinned as he jabbed Remus' arm playfully.

"James you're hurting my arm!"

"Yeah, Moony, do we *pressure* you?" asked Sirius.

"I…no, never" replied Moony.

"Did you feel pressured to say that Mr Lupin?"

"Yeah Moony, did you – "

"Oh shush Mr Potter! And let go of Remus' arm! Did you feel pressured Remus?"

"No I didn't" muttered Lupin.

"Well I think you felt – "

"He said he isn't pressured. Let it go Patty!" said Sirius.

"Yeah Patrick, let it gooo…"

"SINCE WHEN WAS I CALLED PATRICK? I'm Patricia – I mean Counsellor ! Call me Counsellor!"

"We call Professor McGonagall – "started James.

"Who the hell is Professor McGonagall – OHH! The Transfiguration chick! We call her Minnie!"

"Did you see the looks on those Hufflepuff 's the other day, when we asked them where Minnie was?"

"What the HELL is a Hufflepuff?"

"Hufflepuff's are particularly good finders!" chimed in Remus.

"MOONY WHAT HAVE WE TOLD YOU!" shouted Sirius.

Remus rolled his eyes yet again.

"Moony, you've rolled your eyes so often you look like you've seen the moon!" said James.

"What's the moon got to do with – "

"Nothing…nothing Patrick" 

"Shut it Prongs" grumbled Remus. 

"Yeah, shut it Prongs" mimicked Sirius. 

"Can we please continue?" 

"Sure thing Patty!" said Sirius. 

"Argh! Why do you have such ridiculous nicknames anyway?" groaned Counsellor. 

"HOW DARE YOU INSULT THE NAMES OF THE MARAUDERS!" screamed Sirius. 

"She didn't mean it – " 

"HOW WOULD THE WORLD COPE WITHOUT THE MARAUDERS? LET ALONE OUR NICKNAMES!" 

"It'd get on a lot better if you asked me…" whispered embarrassed Remus. 

"Please Mr Black, sit down!" called Patrick. 

"I WILL NOT BE TOLD WHERE TO REST MY BUTT!" 


End file.
